High Expectations and Caring Relationships: In the End It's All About Love

High expectations are not enough to form the whole person.  Expectations can be enough to get what we want, but it doesn’t guarantee that getting what we want is achieved in a free, loving, and ethical way.  Expectations must be coupled with a proper relationship in order to achieve meaningful and lasting success.

The best environment in which children will learn is a loving one.  Children should feel comfortable and trusting of the person who is their role model and mentor; be that a parent, a teacher, or a friend.  Demands alone do not make a relationship, it must be built upon mutual concern and care.  It cannot be fear-based.

Anytime behaviour starts to go off the rails, be it in a home or in a school, our first instinct is often to ramp up the consequences, accountability, and “discipline”.  This is a natural and not altogether bad response.  Certainly, everyone needs to be held accountable for their behaviour.  A system of discipline and teaching based solely on consequence and fear, however, fails to form the kind of person we are all called to be.    

Children need to feel loved unconditionally.  The love we have for them is not contingent upon their compliance with our demands.  We make demands on them because of the love we have for them.  Consequences in this context are given out of love, but they only paint half of the picture.

The other side of the picture is being a positive, affirming figure in the lives of our children and students.  They need to know we genuinely care for them as individuals.  Each of them is a precious gift of God that we care deeply for.  They need to know that “I may need to correct your behaviour but I have never changed how I feel about you.  There is nothing you can do to not be loved by me.”

This is where it all comes together.  Our beliefs, our expectations, our hopes and ultimately our lives rest in the need for affirmation and unconditional love.  As parents and teachers, we are God’s representatives here on Earth.  Ultimately it is God’s love, not ours, that will affirm the children.  It is our job at home and at school to be a reflection of His love.  We are called to love them and believe in them so that they can be the best possible version of themselves, fully formed in love and faith.